Nuts and Idiots Leading a Country

What do they call the men of the cloth that live a solitary life in the deserts or forests for years in search of inner truth? The verb has escaped my vocabulary. I should have been one of those guys. I love being silent and alone. My world is luminescent when am in seclusion. I have always hated crowds. My world suddenly grinds to a halt when I find myself in a crowd. I like…, I mean I like... Hmm.... wow,wait a minute, hold it right there. Let me rephrase that, I LOVE deserts, prisons, and monasteries(Yes, I remember the verb now…Monk is the word I was looking for) I should have become a monk. Sometimes I walk along Kampala road and I go like, hmm… Too many people and bafoons not enough baboons!

Once back in 2003, myself and a bunch of Rotary club enthusiasts geared up and drove up about 80Kms to the Wasewanaaba Base camp somewhere on the foot hills of the Mountains Of The Moon. For days on end we camped there and spent long daily hours training and familiarizing ourselves with our climbing gear. We were determined to make it up half way to the 5,119 meter high Margherita Peak. At about 2000 meters above sea level, I remember we stumbled upon a perch of rock that opened our eyes to a 360 degree spectacular vision of the wild world around us. Here amidst the hushed wilderness, I found myself at home. Lost in the lush green beauty of the Mount Ruwenzori National Park, I felt I could live out my entire life out here and not yearn for the life I left behind me. Though a paradoxical subject of debate to you, over my several mountaineering trips in the recent years, I have discovered that there are fewer idiots at 2000 meters above sea level than down below.

I’ve come to think, there’s a lot of stuff out there that I don’t understand. I don’t understand how one man can lead 30 million other people for 30 years from nowhere to nowhere and still claim to have a vision for the same people! I don’t believe in labels, commissions of Inquiry, the Minister of presidency, Executive director of KCCA or Government spokespersons. I don’t listen to Radio Uganda nor do I watch UTV. I have no love for the Electoral Commission chairman or the Miss Uganda pageant organized by the UPDF. I believe in blow jobs, hugs, alcohol, carbon monoxide, masturbation, squirts, twerks, artists, dead Field marshal presidents, Toyota Tundras, the Daily Monitor newspaper, and not properly labeling fatal poisons, but above all else, most of all, I believe in the one thing that can come out of a woman’s vagina: orgasms.

On 8th April 1891, Jean Lorrain, Monsieur De Phocas wrote….The obscenity of nostrils and mouths; the ignominious cupidity of smiles and women encountered in the street; the shifty baseness on every side, as of hyenas and wild beasts ready to bite: tradesmen in their shops and strollers on their pavements. How long must I suffer this? I have suffered it before, as a child, when, descending by chance to the servant's quarters, I overheard in astonishment their vile gossip, tearing up my own kind with their lovely teeth.This hostility to the entire race, this muted detestation of lynxes in human form, I must have rediscovered it later while at school. I had a repugnance and horror for all base instincts, but am I not myself instinctively violent and lewd, murderous and sensual? Am I any different, in essence, from the members of the riotous and murderous mob of a hundred years ago, who hurled the town sergeants into the Seine and cried, 'String up the aristos!' just as they shout 'Down with the army!' or 'Death to the Jews!”

Today 5th March 2016, I write…I see idiots every day. I see many of them. A lot of them on TV and more in the gazettes. You hear some of them on the FM radio stations but most likely, we see more of them than we hear them. Some have mastered the art of using their tomfoolery to ascend to the highest offices in this country. Some have totally failed to outgrow their buffoonery only to end up crying like little bitches with a bullet in the leg. I see them and I despise them. I loathe them so bad I sometimes feel as though a deadly toxin, a highly potent poison is flowing through my veins in lieu of red blood. I attend weddings when am invited and my heart bleeds when I see someone getting married to an idiot. Is there something stupidly special between people and idiots? I quite cant place what’s more vile than the other-being a hypocrite or being an idiot. What is more ridiculous-male or female idiots? I see them on Facebook, WhatsApp - all over social media-everybody grabbing each other's assholes in the honeycomb of survival out of a fear-animalistic stupidity.