Blacker than Museveni

Am African. Am black. Blacker than Museveni, Amama and Mugisha Muntu all put together. Am as black as Erias Lukwago. As black as Col Kiiza Besigye. Am African but I don’t believe in a United African State. I want no such thing as the United States of Africa. Far be it! Uganda is a beautiful country. Kenya is Beautiful too but Zimbabwe isn’t. Neither is Somalia or Libya. What do you get when you mix beauty and ugliness? Forget it. Lets digress from this matter for a minute. Imagine Africa Unites and we have to be ruled by a single president and we end up with Robert Mugabe as president for life? God forbid that Paul Kagame or Riek Marshal becomes the president-Wouldn’t Africa be doomed to hell? Ok, let’s just say that Mr. Museveni becomes the president of the United States of Africa! Imagine me laughing my teeth out as I imagine this! Wouldn’t Africa be such a mess? How would you love to have the sexually immoral Jacob Zuma heading Africa or the errant Nkurunziza Pierre heading Africa and changing the constitution every three days. DISCLAIMER, please note that am changing language. Some might find my language offensive. If you do find me offensive, your sense of humor belongs in DRC. End of DISCLAIMER: Am a fucking African who doesn’t give a fuck about a United African state. Let’s just say that life is a bitch depending on how you dress her. Some countries are beautiful and some are plain dark ugly. So many presidents in Africa are fucked up and the countries they rule plain low-shit chicken-crut fucked up. My black ass doesn’t make me more African than the little midgets in the Kabale or the tall bare-ass walking Karimajongs in North east Uganda. What defines us as Africans today is Corruption, High HIV prevalence rates and Sick presidents ruling for life. This can be said for most African states-not all. Some states as Tanzania know democracy and peaceful presidential transitions. Some faggot countries like Somalia only know war. Nigeria reeks with all the worst vices out of the vilest man’s nightmare while on the contrast, South Africa races for the position of the most developed and powerful economy in Africa. On the other hand, do we not all know that South Africa grapples with the highest HIV prevalence rates? Imagine the naturally gifted Uganda being joined with the full-of-shit South Africa. Wouldn’t we all go to the dogs? Forget that shit, as a matter of fact, we are not prepared for a United African State. We are several effing years away from that. So why should I bother myself with stuff that’s off the hook for me? My Ex who now dates a midget says am emotional about some things sometimes but I say am mad about many of the dogged so called leaders(or rather effigies) of African states who when shit hits the fan and spills, the little dogs tuck their tails in between two feeble legs and scram. My daughter calls small dogs doglets. Ps. Does Mugabe Robert wear a facemask? They say Bashir wears a pair of leggings beneath this trousers! Cry if your president doent know your national soccer team.
On second thought, am pro a United African state. Let me part ways with the nay-Sayers and sit among the optimists. A united African state would be a haven for all of us Africans. But wait, where would the naughty Ugandan Opposition be? Would there be a place for Mubarak Munyagwa? Would Lukwago still fight Musisi? Or would Museveni, Amama and Besigye all live in state house? Or would they all plot to overthrow the Unite States of Africa government under Robert Mugabe? Would it be legal to demonstrate and wear miniskirts? Would the weak Uganda Shilling be our legal tender or the worthless South Sudan dollar(do they have their own dollar in S. Sudan?) Damn, this would be a messed up shitty African state!
I suppose we are better off as small African states! One thing unites us though…hmm, on second thought, two things. Hell no, many things….corruption, HIV, black asses, dead presidents ruling in life and death. Many tings unite us, war, polygamy, witchcraft, poverty, jealousy, lawlessness, and the list goes on from Cape town to Tunis and back to the Atlantic down below up to Atlantis. Its true we live in a bloodclot mess every day. You wake up in the morning and a man wearing a blouse was murdered in a bomboclot disco! And the sucker bags release a statement on facebook and claim to have handed the suspect and CCTV footage to Police! Fuck this shit, am taking a space craft to Mars!